MR. TANNERS: New Beginnings

Last Spring, I was asked to share with our congregation on Easter Sunday a deeply personal experience with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Talking about personal, emotional events in my life has never been easy, but I know I had Divine help delivering this message.

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Easter Sunday Talk – April 2014

At Easter, we celebrate Jesus Christ’s triumphant victory over death. We know that Jesus Christ came to the earth to die for us. And most of us understand how through His Atonement, we can receive forgiveness from our sins. But do we know that He, through His Atonement, wants to ENABLE US, to strengthen and to heal us.

As part of our mortal experience, our paths will be different, but we each will face “opposition in all things.” The purpose of life, undoubtedly, is to experience JOY! Along our journey, there will be moments of inexpressible happiness, yet we are not immune from the periods of trials, darkness, and loneliness along the way.

I’d like to share with you just one of trials. Sharing deeply personal experiences doesn’t come easy for me…and I pray that the spirit will be here with me as I share this message.

Nearly 4 years ago, I was in my own personal Gethsemane. I had just gone to the hospital to deliver a stillborn baby, a baby I had never gotten to see take a breath of air.

Just a month prior, we went in for a routine appointment to find out the gender of our baby, BUT left with heart-stopping news: the baby was sick and would likely never make it full-term, and if on the off-chance it did, there would be no chance of survival.

For the next month, I carried the baby knowing every day could be the last. When people would ask totally normal and innocent questions, like “When are you due” or “What are you having” I remember one instance where I couldn’t say a word. And only tears followed. It was hard!

And then the day finally came. The baby’s heart rate stopped…and had passed away. In a hospital room, in a farthest corner in the maternity ward, away from the normal happy, crying sounds, was the last place I would wish anyone to be. Yet when we are surrounded by darkness, the contrast of LIGHT, even if just a glimmer, is the greatest. In that hospital room…came one of life’s greatest, immensely spiritual experiences. Just like being in the temple…I could feel God’s presence. I felt Him close to me…as I held a teeny tiny baby in my arms, weighing less than a pound. At that moment, I knew this was not the end. That this wouldn’t the last time I would get to hold her in my arms…it was only the beginning.

We are eternal beings and our existence extends to holier spheres. This past conference, Elder Utchdorf said,

“Whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless. Endings are not our destiny.” 1

I left the hospital that day with empty arms. And despite this spiritual experience I had…the months following were the hardest and darkest. Months and months went by and while everyone ELSE around me was getting pregnant, I wasn’t one of them. Even Tanner began to ask for a baby that “he could take home with him.”

What I was doing wasn’t working. And one day I realized by mistake -- I realized that I was relying on science and my monotonous, half-hearted prayers, but mostly science. It wasn’t until I prayed with “all the faculties of my soul” that anything happened.

And while it seemed LIKE FOREVER, I got pregnant! Exactly one year, to the day, of when our sweet little baby girl was lost. And if there was any DOUBT of God’s hand, another confirmation came a few days later, when Tanner woke up and came running into our room, “Mommy, there’s a baby in your tummy. There’s a baby in your tummy! Let me see!”

When I asked him how he knew this, his response was simple. “Jesus told me when I prayed!”

And Tanner was right. Now we have the healthiest, vibrant, “determined” little girl, whose name is Brooke, whose 2^nd birthday we celebrated yesterday. And He didn’t wait long to send us another…

In the moment, it seemed like time had stopped, but looking back, it was NOTHING!

Elder Utchdorf continued, “The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.” 1

This is the message I share with you this Easter. That we are Eternal beings with Eternal, beginnings. While we face challenges and trials, they don’t have to be an end. Because He already paid the price, we can receive forgiveness and become “clean and pure.” Because He burst the 3-day prison, we too can triumphant over our trials and receive the enabling power to endure.

“There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (see Alma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power.” 2

Together with Christ, we can experience His divine help, after all; “His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” {Matthew 11:30}

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Note: Quoted from Elder Utchdorf’s address given in April 2014, Grateful in Any Circumstances.

2 - From Elder Bednar’s devotional The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality given at BYU in 2001 – I was a student at the time and still remember when I heard this for this first time.

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