Roar! - Oct 24th

Tanner was a dinosaur for his very first Halloween! And I would have to say he's the cutest, friendliest little dinosaur I've ever seen.

Being at the Halloween party made me think of all the crazy outfits we dress our kids in. Most of the kids were only in the costume for a few pics and then taking them off, but Tanner is young enough that he doesn't know any better. But it's Halloween mostly for the parents, anyhow? I mean, who really ends up eating their toddlers' Halloween candy??? I actually think he really enjoyed it and was really happy in his costume - other than the few times the hood part was covering his eyes. But the majority of the time he was sticking out his tongue and trying to eat his zipper or dino paws.

I tried to tell Anthony I wanted him to dress up as a dinosaur too to match Tanner - but he wanted no part in dressing up as Barney ~ which we both agree is very annoying. I remember my youngest sister Katelynn watching it all the time, and yes, it's still around. And little kida love it. I'm hoping never to expose him so he won't know what he's missing.

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Tanner & Daddy
Tanner, Avery, & Me

Tanner's friend Jonathan & cousin Avery

Work

Working has put a seriously damper on my blogging - but I still want to be able to keep track of all the cute things Tanner is doing - which is the main reason why I created this blog. Yes, it's fun that other people get to see a snap shot of our lives...but years later, I want to be able to remember every stage of his life. And as another added bonus, I've found blogging to be very theraputic. After you blog about something, I naturally feel better.

For those who keep asking, work has continued to go well. At times I feel that something most be wrong with me or I must not be a good mom - but part of me really does enjoy working. And I've realized being home over the past several months how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom. It's nice to get out of the house and interact with other people. But the hardest part is balancing everything - still being a mom, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and keeping up with work. At the end of every day, I'm exhausted. And it's only been two weeks. And the guilt. Every time I leave Tanner I feel guilty. I know he is in excellent hands - which is part of how I can rationalize leaving him - but I can't help but feel guilty. So when I am home with him, I feel bad putting him down for a second and just hold and cuddle him as much as possible.

I still feel like many things have fallen into place at work. After my first week back, I was feeling overwhelmed with staffing for one of my largest engagements. I was hoping to have the same team as last year, but for multiple reasons, hardly anyone is going to return. I started to think no one liked working with me - but that quickly came to an end when I was voted "Coach of the Year" by my collegues. It's like the people's choice award they give out each year for people that take time to coach, develop, mentor the staff they work with. And along with it came a bonus and an extra day off. It made by day!!

And the company is rolling out a new HR inituitive called Mass Career Customization. It's based upon a book - and I could spend hours explaining it - but the author works for Deloitte. Essentially, the corporate world has recongized how much work-life balance means to it's employees and allowing a corporate lattice approach rather than the traditional corporate ladder to allow people to have more flexibility w/o sacrificing career goals. I can more easily see myself "dialing down" and take on less responsibilities without it negatively reflecting on my performance.

But I'm sure the newness of going back to work will quickly come to an end and there will be many rough days ahead. But like anything else, you just have to take it one day at a time.

My little Tanners

Tanner is seriously getting cuter everyday! Just when I think his cheeks can't get any bigger - they keep chetting chubbier. But he has the roundest, happiest face when he smiles - and it melts my heart everytime he smiles. When I talk to him, he just squels in delight and I absolutely love it. He sounds like he's trying to have a conversation with me and telling me about his day. I love his adorable little baby sounds. While his cry is pretty melow and a low rumble, his little squeels and shouts are so high pitched.

He's still a chunk, but he's really strong too. Give him another week or two and I think he'll be sitting up. I joke that he's going to be sitting up before he can rollover on a consistent basis. And he's not a big fan of lying down on his back or tummy - I think he associates lying down with naps so he has a natural aversion to it. But he loves anything were he can sit and watch all the action. Even when you hold him, he loves to look facing out. His favorite new toy is the exersaucer - which allows him to stand and turn to face people. He now can recongize voices and will turn to look at them when they talk. And when you talk to him, you're usually rewarded with a great big smile.

He's still obssessed with his hands, but his love for his pacifier is quickly diminishing - which is making putting him down for naps more and more challenging. He usually takes several 45 min to 1 hours naps, but he's slowly starting to take longer afternoon naps. I just hope this trend continues!

Are you ready for some football??

Tanner loves to watch football. Everytime it is on, he'll sit for over an hour on someone's lap and just be totally content watching the tv. Some people may say he's too little to actually watch the tv, but when you have a big screen like ours, you can see if from anywhere in the room. Tanner likes football so much that we think one day he'll want to be a linebacker - which explains why he's packing on the pounds :)

Tanner & Uncle Collin
These days football is really the only thing that is on the tv. Anthony spends his Saturday's "studying" (i.e. watching all the latest college football teams) while he happens to have a book in his hand.

We were debating on going to the BYU vs TCU in Ft Worth a few weekends ago, but after watching the game on tv, were glad that we decided to stay home. No one wants to pay $$$ to see BYU get creamed and have the longest college football winning streak quickly come to a humiliating end. So maybe next year!!

Tanner & Grandpop Knick

Not so bad after all...

My first day back to work was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Not to say it wasn't easy...but I think I just pictured the worse case in my mind possible and then was relieved when it went so much smoother.

The entire day I felt that I was powered by strength beyond my own - and thankful for the prayers were answered - and I had help from above. When I work up that morning, I was surprisingly in a great mood - I felt very well rested given the fact that I actually got very little sleep. And when I dropped off Tanner, he was smiling and happy - and the same way when I returned.

My worse fear was that someone at work would ask me how Tanner was and I would just start to cry. But surprisingly enough, I held myself together quite well and that never happened. But everyone kept asking me if it was hard leaving Tanner with someone else. Not that I don't love talking about Tanner, but I didn't want to keep being reminded of the situation. And how am I suppose to respond? Do they really want to see me cry?

It was weird walking into work. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing and had forgotten everything I knew, but I'm still hoping it all comes back to me, especially since I'm suppose to be a manager now. But when I finally started to actually work, I had enough to keep me pre-occupied and quickly lost myself in the work. I decided that I should be thankful for my job - they've already started letting people go. And in the past, all the summer interns got offers, but this year only half of them did. And they've cut back on many other extras. When I left, the economy was doing fine, and when I came back, it's never been worse.

Being away from Tanner makes me appreciate the time I do have with him - so today I was just so happy to just sit at home and spend time with him. Whatever time I lack in quantity I hope to make up for in quality. He accomplished some other amazing things today - like rolling over again - and this time I got to witness it. And he picked up his pacifer and put it in his mouth by himself too. When he was taking a nap, he started to wake up - but successfully found his fingers and calmed himself back to sleep on his own. All these things are little, but they're still amazing to me and was grateful I was with him to witness them all.

Texas State Fair

Even though I have lived in Texas for over 5 years now - this was my first year at the State Fair. Anthony never wants to go. He's lived here his whole life and is bored with it. So we went to the fair with friends, Chels & Ave and Ruth & Caden.

Avery & Caden loved all the attractions, from the kid rides to the petting zoo to the little hands farm. Although Tanner was too young to enjoy any of the attractions, he still enjoyed the stroller rides and walking around in his baby bjorn. He was such a good little baby. Afterwards, he slept like a baby...finally!!

The best part about the fair is the food. I tried the Chicken Fried Bacon - it had one the best taste award - but it was not worth it. It's better to stick to the good ole basics. Afterwards, I had to get a funnel cake - which I would say was the highlight of my day :)

My other favorite part of the day was the petting zoo. I enjoyed seeing this tiny little baby goat that could barely walk. It kept trying to come grab some food from the people, but the mom was making sure that it did not happen. There also was a pair of llamas that kept kissing each other.

The weather was perfect! After a hot summer, it's finally beginning to feel like fall. It just felt good to be outside, in good company, and eating good food. What more could you ask for?

His Hands!

Lately, Tanner has been fascinated with his hands. I'll catch him opening and closing them - and starring in amazement. He's finally figured out how to control them and he just seems to love using them. One day this week he grabbed his first rattle off of the floor and began to play with it. He really grabs onto anything and everything. But inevitable, they always make their way back to his mouth. His favorite pastime these days is still sucking on his fingers, especially his index finger. Or sometimes he'll grab onto a blanket and try to suck on that as well. They totally keep him entertained - so whatever makes him happy!

My mom thinks it's funny how I'm so amazed at every new thing he's doing. But seriously, little kids are so amazing. They go from these tiny little newborn babies who can pretty much only sleep and eat to these energetic, fun babies. Every day they seem to grow and learn how to do something new. But maybe after having after having 8 kids - some of the excitement is lost...

The Color Puple - Oct 7th

Last night I went to go see The Color Purple at Fair Park. For my mom's and Chelsea's birthdays, I told them I would take them to see the musical. They had to wait a few months, but it was well worth it.

I had never seen the movie before so I didn't know much about the it - but the story is amazing. By the end, we were all in tears. It's the powerful story of a girl who triumphs over adversity that has plagued her life -with the love of her sister and God being her only true source of comfort. Through much of my life - I can say these two fources have kept me going as well.

We had purchased season tickets to the Dallas Summer Musical shows - but this was by far the best one and made up for the other lousy shows we had to "endure" this year. The only other good show that played was The Drowsy Chaperone - it was hilarious. If you get a chance, you should definitely see it.

P.S. - Ruth, we missed you!

3 Months!

Tanner is 3 months today. And now there is nothing little about him, just look at him! Nonetheless, I still love this song by Lonestar, "Let them be little." I'm sure I'll continue to agree with the words of this song no matter how big he gets. I hope to always remember each stage of his life down to the day he was born.

But I do love his new playfulness, energy and smiles. He has outgrown his newborn fussiness and now is so much happier - which has makes being a mom so much easier. Each day he seems to learn something new. For example, yesterday we had him sitting on the kitchen table in his Bumbo chair so he could try to enjoy dinner with us. We had given him a toy to play with, but he instead was reaching for the potpourri in my centerpiece. It never dawned on me that he has figured out how to use his hands and grab for things, but then one day you look at him playing and he just does it. Little kids are so amazing!!

Tanner has also learned to scout and wiggle his way around. I have to buckle him into everything now, otherwise he'll find a way out. And in his crib, I lay him down in the center, but when I go to pick him up, he's usually in the corner somehow.

I just figured out a new feature on my digital camera - the video cam. I used it to take a few videos of him today, but ignore my talking. I just wish you could hear his little coos better. But if you're bored, check them out cause I think they're cute and know the grandparents will too :)

Homemade Pumpkin Pie

Today I got together with a friend to make a homemade pumpkin pie - completely from scratch. And while we were at the arboretum last week enjoying the pumpkin fall festival, we were inspired! In college, I had this amazing roomate Jen who use to do it every year. She's one of the best cooks I know and I still use some of her recipes.

But anyhow, it took a lot of time, from scooping out the seeds to cooking the pumpkin to making the pie crust, but well worth it in the end. And it tasted delicious. I think I'll have to make it a new tradition.

We also learned it takes even longer to do anything with our little babies.

Tanner has a buddy Rhus who was born just a few weeks ahead of him. Just as one was falling asleep, the other one would wake up. They're still a little two young to know what to do with eachother, but we're hopeful one day they'll be best buds.