A Walk in the park – August 15th

Today I went to playgroup at the Dallas Arboretum with some friends from church – ruth and marilouise. We went to Dallas Arboretum. It was nice to enjoy the scenery and get some exercise walking around the park. Although Tanner was a little too young to enjoy it, it made me think ahead to next summer when he’ll be old enough to splash in the fountain, run around in the clubhouse, feed the fish in the pond, and take pics in the beautiful surrounding.

Whenever we go somewhere in public, he always ends up falling asleep the entire time. It’s very convenient, but I just wish he loved to sleep that much at home:)

We were each pushing our children around in strollers. Funny how for the I felt like a stay at home mom for the first time…even though I wasn’t at home for most the day.

Diaper changing fun! – August 8th

Not that I thought I was an expert at changing diapers, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I’ve changed many diapers over the years, having younger siblings and babysitting growing up. Having a little newborn baby boy has totally changed my opinion. Every time I change his diapers it’s like a race and contest to see how fast I can go so he doesn’t have time to pee or poop while I’m in the middle of it.

Each time we try to get smarter and quicker to prevent it from happening, but he still manages a way to outsmart us. The worse was the first day we came home from the hospital. It shot straight upwards and a small portion landed on his face. I felt so bad and hurried tried to wipe it away to keep it from going into his mouth and eyes. In the few days we’ve had him, he managed to go on the carpeting, couch, and bed – pretty much everywhere. From then on, we decided to only change him on the changing table. After all, that’s what it is for, right?

And just when I think I’m finally getting good, a day like today happens. First of all, I was in the middle of changing his diaper when he started spitting up – this time coming out from both his mouth and nose. It scared him and he started crying hysterically – so I immediately picked him up to get calm him. And just when he starts calming down, I feel something warm and notice that he has just peed on me. It was not the smartest move to pick him up without a diaper, but my mind doesn’t think clearly at 4 in the morning.

The next diaper change was even more fun. Just when I had cleaned his little bum and pulled his dirty diaper away to put a clean one on, he started to pee everyone. But that wasn’t the end. A second later he started to poop. And it was a huge mess to clean up cause they just mixed together and got everywhere! To say the least, I’m always busy doing laundry.

Nicknames – August 6th

Anthony likes to spend time coming up with nick names for Tanner and thinks he absolutely needs to be named “grumblecakes” or “grumbles” for short. Whenever he in his half-awake mode, which is most of the time, he makes funny little grumble sounds. Even when he is happy he will kinda grunt. I didn’t think anything of it, but people always comment on it when we take him places. And I’m like, this is nothing, you should hear him at night just after he eats.

Another name he’s tossed around is piggers because he snorts when he gets excited or hungry for that matter. And he loves to eat all the time -he would be connected 24/7 if he had his way.

But then again, we really could name him after several different animals, cause he makes so many different sounds that mimic other animal noises. When he’s happy, he makes these cooing sounds that sounds like a little birdie tweeting or when he gets anxious he sounds like a little horse neighing.

Tanner’s First Smile – August 5th

Tanner smiled for the first time today. It was so adorable! There’s no way I could have missed his huge smile that swept across his face when he was done eating, even if I was half asleep. It made me so happy and I wanted to go tell everyone, but with it being the wee hour of the morning, I had to wait. I just wish I could have captured in on photo for everyone to see! But I’m looking forward to more smiles to come!

I wasn’t sure if he had just realized what he had done, but then he did it again later that day when our neighbor, ‘Aunt Nell’ came to stop by and hold the cute feller. As I was holding him in my arms and admiring your charm, he gave us another huge smile. So I’m definitely counting it as his first official smile.

Tanner’s Blessing Day – August 3rd

Tanner was blessed today at church by Anthony. When it came time to do the blessing, Anthony was signaling to his friends and family to come to the stand – and he almost forgot to take Tanner with him. He would never have been able to live it down.

Here’s some pics of Tanner in his blessing gown. Some people might say it’s a little of the feminine side, but I think Tanner is man enough and can easily pull it off. Anthony wasn’t too fond of the idea at first, but it’s a family tradition. Grandma Knick made this blessing gown for the first grandchild and ever since then, we have all been blessed in it. And now that she has passed away, it’s even more precious as it reminds us she is there watching over us.

It was a special occasion that we were able to share with many family and friends. In the circle were both our parents, Keith, Michael, Bro Openshaw, Bishop Hastings, and Eric Crider. The Mierows were also in attendance. Nana and Papa wanted to attend as well – but we weren’t able to schedule it to coincide with their visit.

In the blessing, here are some key phrases Tanner was promised:

* Blessed with happiness and peace in your life
* Ability to know that you are loved and share that love with others
* Surrounded by wonderful family and friends that love you

* Blessed that you will give encouragement to those that surround you
* Blessed to be worthy to hold the priesthood
* Blessed to have faith of your fathers and continue the wonderful traditions of your ancestors.

*Blessed to have the things you need in this life

He's our little angel!!

Feeding Frenzy – August 11th

OMG! I never had a clue how hard in was to breast feed. Not only did I underestimate how uncomfortable it was at first, but how much time it took and how often you have to feed them. At first, Tanner pretty much took an hour to feed in one sitting and then wanted to eat every hour - which meant that I was spending at least 8-12 hours a day feeding him. Actually, if he had it his way, he’d be attached 24/7. The hardest part was as night. I’d only have an hour or so in-between feedings before he would be ready to eat again. It was so exhausting not being able to fall into a deep sleep.

It was really hard when we were first starting out, and as a friend explained, it’s really not a natural process and is the first thing both you and the baby have to learn. In the hospital, Tanner was fed through an IV a portion of the time and we were separated, so he was use to drinking a bottle, which made it even more difficult to try to breastfeed. We were able to make the transition back to breastfeeding, but am “cheating” by using a shield. And while I had hopes for weaning him off in a short amount of time, we’re still working on it.

If you would have asked me how long I wanted to breast feed Tanner before he was born, I easily would have said a year. But now I’m taking in on a week-by-week basis. I had to just keep reminding myself of the many benefits it is to Tanner - and that was enough to keep me going.

I guess a part of me felt so tied down – I was sitting in one place for most of the day. But now I’ve found good books to read and even got cable television – so it’s much more enjoyable and helps me to relax so I’m not stressing about how much he’s eating and whether it’s enough or too much.
Now it’s been over a month and I can say I’ve had a change of heart and actually enjoy it. He’s so cute to watch when he’s eating – sometimes he’s wide away and acts like a little animal as he’s eating, and then sometimes he’s half asleep and so cuddly. It’s our time we’re able to spend together to bond. And while I’m able to hold him as much as I want to now, it’ll be different when I go back to work and want to be able to continue to have that connection.

Sleepless in Dallas

People always told me you would not get any sleep when you had a newborn, but it didn’t really sink in until I had experienced for myself. And I use to think getting up 2-3 times a night to use the restroom when I was pregnant was bad. Now I’d gladly change positions. I only sleep 1-2 hours at a time at night. Anthony is a huge help and oftentimes gets up with him for the 2nd or 3rd night feeding so I can get some rest…but still.

Tanner sleeps in a little bassinet next to my bed – and it has a little night light so it’s very convenient. And even after Tanner falls asleep, he makes so many different sounds that I’m constantly checking on him.

Tanner doesn’t really like sleeping on his back like babies are suppose to sleep – instead he seems to prefer his stomach. We did an experiment to see how long he would sleep on his back – and he slept longer than he had anytime before. But I can’t bring myself to do it now as it’s not the recommended sleeping position and would feel so guilty if something bad were to happen. Now we’ll usually have him fall asleep when he’s lying down on our chest – that’ probably his favorite position – and then move him to his crib lying on his back when he’s asleep.

We tried bringing him into our bed a few times, but neither of us slept very well so it was pointless. Tanner’s a restless sleeper so he kept making noises and moving his hands around – and I’ve a very light sleeper so it just kept waking me up.

In order to get him to sleep longer at night, we’ve tried several different things – from giving him baths to help him relax to letting him nurse and bottle feed to fill him up. Nothing seems to consistently work. Any suggestions??

Date Night – July 17th

Tanner had his first babysitter tonight while we went out on a date to see a movie – The Dark Knight (Batman). Earlier that I was having second thoughts as I was totally exhausted from not sleeping the night before and was a little nervous leaving him. But Anthony talked me into it and I did feel much better after sneaking in a late afternoon nap. We left him in good hands with my sister Chelsea. It was nice to get out of the house and do something together as a couple.

Measuring Up – Doctor’s Office Visit – July 15th

Tanner had his 2-week doctor’s visit today. Dr Curtis reassured us that Tanner is totally healthy and doing great – which made me worry less about the million and one things I could be doing wrong as a parent.

Here’s how he measured up compared to the national statistics:
Height – 21 inches – 50th percentile (he had grown half an inch)
Weight – 7 lbs, 13 oz- 25th percentile (which was great cause he had gained more than his birth weight)
Head circumference – 34.2 cm – 10th percentile

Rub a dub dub – Bath time Fun – July 10th

Tanner’s first bath at home was one July 10th – just over a week old. Most babies I know either love or hate the water – and there’s no in-between. Well – Tanner absolutely loved the water. He looked so relaxed and at peace. In the pics, he looks like a little old man lying in a hammock. He never once cried the entire time, even when I poured water over his face to wash his hair and face. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but I’m already excited to teach him how to swim. It’ll have to wait until next summer though when he’s a little older.

A Night to Remember – July 2nd, 2008

Most people would say labor was the most difficult part of having a baby, but my experience was much different. Dealing with physical pain myself was bearable, but watching little Tanner in pain was not.

When Tanner was first born, they were worried he could have several complications. During the delivery process, his heart rate was jumping all over the place. He wasn’t turned in the correct position so every time I had a contraction, his heart rate dropped dramatically as he was being pushed against my pelvic bones rather than proceeding down the birth canal. Once the nurse noticed this was occurring, they sent a medical team to get him out immediately. I got to hold him for a brief moment, but then the doctors whisked him away as he was having some issues breathing on his own. They suctioned out his airways and lungs and after several hours of monitoring him, his breathing rate appeared to drop within a normal range so he was able to return to our room – and finally hold him in our arms again.

The next morning the nurses came to check his vital signs. Once again, they were concerned he was breathing too quickly and wanted to monitor him more closely in the nursery. When his predication, Dr Summers, came to do her routine checkup, she felt like he was fine and returned him to our room. She explained that it wasn’t uncommon for babies to breathe quickly when they had experienced fetal distress during delivery and should subside within a few days.

Throughout the day the nurses continued to check his vitals periodically, and in the late afternoon, were once again alarmed at his high breathing rate. Just as I was getting ready to feed him again, the nurse insisted on taking him to the nursery so they could closely monitor.

The main concern with having a high respiratory rate is that he would aspirate when he tried to eat and swallow – causing the liquid to go into his lungs – which can lead to ammonia. However, he had been nursing just find earlier and in no way was acting bothered by his breathing. He was such a happy and content little baby I had a hard time believing anything was wrong.

From hear on out, everyone we spoke too had a different story about what had happened and proposed a different solution for helping Tanner. While the first nurse told us his breathing rate has returned to normal and she had been able to feed him a bottle without any problems, the other nurse was adamant that he hadn’t eaten all day and needed more liquids to keep from getting dehydrated. The doctors were both told the latter. And at this point, the nurses had already left for the day so no one was sure who to believe.

After trying to sort out the stories, his pediatrician turned it over for the doctor-on-call to handle the situation. While his chest x-ray and blood work all came out normal, his respiratory rate was still high. The doctors wanted to use an alternative method to feed him to prevent him from getting dehydrated. He insisted on a different method of treatment – an IV with liquids. I wasn’t convinced this was necessary – he was just operating under faulty information…
And to make matters worse, the nurse could not get the IV going on Tanner for the life of her. We watched for an hour as she poked various parts of his body – his arms, hands, and legs – trying to get the needle inserted. I felt so helpless. There was nothing we could do but try to watch the nurse carry out the “doctor’s orders” even though we did not agree with them. After trying for an hour, she finally admitted that she couldn’t do it and that she would ask an additional person to help her. But I couldn’t watch anymore and tried to do something to get my mind off of it.

Anthony went back to check on him and after watching another hour…the nurses decided to try to put it on his head. And finally it went in smoothly on the first time!

Tanner had to stay in the nursery overnight while they continued to monitor his breathing and running the IV fluids. When I first saw him, I just naturally wanted to pick him up and hold him, but that wasn’t allowed. At least he was all swaddled in blankets and had his pacifier to help calm him – but that was about it. He just looked so small and helpless with all these machines attached to him.

When I went back to our room, I just lost it. Everything had felt so perfect earlier in the day that this was an abrupt unforeseen turn of events. I just was thinking the absolute worse things – what happened if it was something more serious and how I would cope with that; why was it Tanner having the medical issues and not myself - I would have gladly switched places. And then I started to think he wished he wasn’t on this earth - the peaceful and happy state he left and how different his life had been for the few hours he had been here. And I thought about the IV and the countless pokes and prods on his body. And while they finally were able to get it going on his head, I thought about how painful it would be when they had to take off the bandages. His hair would be gone and he’d have bald spot!

I felt so sorry for him – watching him go through so much pain and affliction – and still no way to really comfort him besides standing next to him. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional side of having a baby. It just hit me how much unconditional, immediate love I had for Tanner. I wasn’t expecting the magnitude in which it hit, but it just made it even harder to deal with the situation. And once the tears started to come, I couldn’t make them stop.

Anthony returned and found me crying hysterically. He tried his best to help reassure me everything would be fine – he cuddled with me in bed and gave him a blessing of healing.

But it wasn’t until I prayed for myself that I felt a sense of relief. As I prayed to Heavenly Father, I was overcome with a feeling of peace.
I felt reassured that Heavenly Father knew my sorrow and could relate to the experience – after all, he had to watch His Son suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross in agony, in order to bring about the marvelous Atonement. And while this experience paled in comparison, it brought great comfort to me. While I prayed, I was also overcome with a feeling that while I knew I could not physically me next to Tanner that night, the Lord could be. At that moment, I knew that He would be watching over and protecting him and comforting little Tanner.

After that experience, I was finally able to relax enough to fall asleep. I still had to wake up throughout the night to pump, but Anthony would also wake up and go check on Tanner as well. During the night, his breathing was stabilizing and was doing extremely well. I felt reassured he would be able to return to our room in the morning. However, the nurse indicated that is would still be at least 12 hours before he was able to return to our room as it typically takes that long to wean them off the IV fluids.

Once again, I was devastated. I knew I would be returning home today and he would not, meaning that I would now I would be totally separated from him. But as the day progressed, the situation only improved.

When his pediatrician came to check on him, he got a clean bill of health. She immediately asked that he be returned to our room so that he could be next to me and I could begin nursing him. She talked to us for a while and apologized for all the previous days’ confusion. She calmed me nerves and I felt such a relief after her visit. I had never met Dr Summers before, but she came highly recommended by several friends, and I immediately liked her. It was like she could read my mind and know what I was thinking before I even said anything. I guess she has experience dealing with lots of new moms!

Even though Tanner appeared to be healthy, he still had to stay an extra day in the hospital to finish the antibiotics and receive the results from the final blood work. However, they had arranged for Tanner to be admitted to the Special Care nursery upon my discharge – which allowed for parents to stay in the same room with the babies. I was so relieved when they told us this as it meant I didn’t have to spend another night without little Tanner.

And the special care nursery was amazing! The facilities were hi-tech and the medical equipment was in our room so that he never had to leave our sight. And the nurses were so good with little Tanner – much more gentle and confident and sweet. Most of the babies in this unit were high risk preemies that had spent several weeks or months here. It made me realize how lucky we were as Tanner was probably one of the healthiest babies in this unit…and many parents were struggling with much bigger issues.

The next day Tanner was discharged and we were able to return home. It was so nice to be at home and know that I had a perfectly little healthy baby boy to hold in my arms – and all that I had hoped for finally came true.

Medical Mishaps – July 1st, 2008

While I normally have a high level of trust for the medical industry, I've learned that doctors and nurses are human and make mistakes. Which is fine, but you don't really want to be the person the mistake it made on! But don’t get me wrong, I am very very thankful for modern medication...epidurals to be more specific. I had contemplated the idea of going all natural. But after hearing a woman down the hall from me when I was first admitted, I was dead set on receiving one.

The first mistake was by the nurse who put in my initial IV. She didn't do it correctly so instead of the medicine going into my bloodstream, it was collecting in the muscle of my arm and it started to swell. I've never had an IV before so I thought it was normal for the IV to feel uncomfortable and swell. It took the nurses 6 hours to notice her mistake and at this point, timing was everything. As my bag of water broke earlier that morning, the doctor wanted to the baby to be born within 12 hours to prevent both myself and the baby from getting an infection. But too much time had already passed – and sure enough I ended up getting an infection – but nothing antibiotics couldn’t take care of.

Throughout the day, the doctor kept increasing the dosage of Pitocin to start my labor as nothing was happening. At first I thought this whole labor thing was going to be a piece of cake - I wasn't feeling anything. But a moment after fixing the IV, I went into active labor from the supped up level of Pitocin and began to experience for the first time was labor was really like.

And it wasn’t long until I was asking for an epidural. When the doctor came a few hours later to check to see how things were going, she was very straightforward and blunt, something which I now appreciate. She said there's no reason to be a hero - and now was the time to get an epidural if I wanted one as things were progressing really quickly. She convinced me that now was the time. And I was thankful for that cause the next 20 minutes time seemed to stop as I was waiting. I remember looking at the door and hoping each person that entered would be the anesthesiologist.

When I was first admitted, the nurses were telling me I could get an epidural right away as I was already dilated to 4cm. I wanted to wait long enough to say I had at least experienced a portion of it. But I think I ended up getting my fair share of it.

While I received the initial dose of the epidural, they forget to hook up the epidural IV pump - which allows for a small, continuous dose of the medicine so the first dose doesn't wear off. I didn’t notice it right away as the initial dose was enough to make me feel 100 times better. But as time went on and labor progressed, I began to experience more pain. The nurse was trying to convince me it was normal as the epidural takes away the pain and not the pressure - and I was feeling the pressure. But when I convinced her it was more than just “pressure,” she looked at the epidural IV and now understood. So luckily, we noticed it before we got too much further into the labor process. But it still wasn’t enough. I definitely felt more than I should have at the end – including the last pushes and tearing. The doctor noticed how much I could feel as she was stitching me up and decided to give me another boost of the epidural, but she was done delivering the placenta and stitching me up before it went into effect. And then they gave me so much that I couldn’t feel or move my legs.

And overall, everything went smoothly and turned out well in the end. While we had a few moments of worry, Tanner was a healthy baby. And now we are at hope enjoying our little bundle of joy. We know that God was looking over us and protecting us every step of the way.

Labor and Delivery - The Long Version

We thought we were prepared for this moment. We had attended a childbirth educations class and felt like we knew what to expect. We even had written our own birthing plan that mentioned our individual preferences. For example, Anthony was hoping to be able to catch you at the end and cut your umbilical cord. As much as we tried to plan, it didn’t take long to discover nothing goes as expected.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up around 6 in the morning to use the restroom – waking up several times a night to use the restroom was normal. However, it didn’t feel quite the same when I used the restroom. I thought it was a sign of early labor so I didn’t think twice about going back to bed. When I woke up again around 8:30 to get up for the day, it became obvious that my bag of waters had broken and today would be the lucky day.

Surprisingly, I was really calm and collected, but yet very excited and happy. I just pictured myself going into panic mode, but if was more the other way around. Anthony was excited as well, but was rushing to get everything together and felt more anxiety about the situation compared to myself. Usually it’s the opposite in our relationship.

I called Anthony to let him know. He had a meeting with his dental research group at 9:00 so I was glad I could catch him beforehand. He was ready to come home instantly, but I persuaded him he could wait until I heard back for the doctors. Next I called the doctor’s office to see if I could come in for an earlier appointment as I originally had one scheduled that afternoon. I just left a normal message on the nurses line – nothing urgent – and asked them to return my call. I then proceeded to take a shower and get dressed as usual. The nurses called and asked for me to come in right away – so then I called Anthony to let him know. He left his meeting immediately, which had just started, and headed home so we could ride to the doctor’s office together. I still felt totally fine and normal. If it weren’t for the small, continuous gushes of water, I would have never expected anything was wrong. We also needed to finish backing our hospital bags. I had the majority of the items set aside in a pile, but they still needed to be packed and there were still several items lying around the house.

As soon as I got to the doctor’s office, I was able to be seen right away by the doctor, which was a nice change from waiting 15-30 minutes. I was seen by Dr Angel, who was the doctor on call for that day and would be delivering you. She confirmed indeed my bag of waters was broken and that I was already dilated 4 cm. She was surprised that I still had not felt any contractions, but said she would get be started on Pitocin right away to start the labor process. She really wanted me have the baby within 12 hours of my waters breaking to reduce the chances of infection setting in.

We then went to the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital to check-in. Next to me was someone in total pain – and she wasn’t afraid to hide it. I couldn’t see what was happening to her, but I could hear her perfectly. I still felt great – and was very grateful for that. She ended up being put in the room next to me – and she only got louder. The other nurses could see the alarm on my face and reassured me that it was not normal to be that load – especially if I got an epidural. So at that point, I decided that I for sure wanted an epidural so that I would not be in the same position as her later in the day.

When we got into the room, I changed into the hospital gown and immediately the nurses came and went trough all the routine questions. There were two nurses, one who was in training and did not know what she was doing. Luckily, the other nurse did so it wasn’t a big deal. They started an IV and began to put in the Pitocin.

Another request I had was to have a priesthood blessing prior to going into labor. Originally, I thought I would be induced on Thursday, July 3rd. However, Tanner seemed to have his own idea and came earlier on his own. Both of our dads were able to come around noon to administer the blessing. My dad did the anointing and Anthony did the blessing. I can’t remember exactly what they said, but afterwards I remember feeling totally at peace and knew everything would go fine.

It really was a relatively slow afternoon. The nurses would periodically come and check to see if I had began having contractions. When I replied no, she looked at the monitor and said – well you just had a minor one. I didn’t think anything of it because it just felt like normal menstrual cramps. At 2:00, Dr Angel came to check to see how things had progressed. Nothing had changed – I was still dilated to a 4 and the baby’s station was +2. She had the nurses increase the amount of Pitocin to help speed things along.

Just after 4:00, the nurses came in to check on the routine items. In the process, she noticed my arm was getting slightly swollen around the IV and had infiltrated – meaning it wasn’t going into my blood stream but rather my arm. I’ve never had an IV before so I just thought it was normal to hurt slightly when I moved it. However, this had explained why labor wasn’t progressing. When she re-did the IV, I could feel a difference almost immediately. The labor cramps began to steadily increase in intensity and frequency.

The nurse also notices that the Tanner’s heart rate was jumping around. They had come several times to re-adjust the external fetal monitor around my stomach, but it didn’t seem to last for more than a few minutes. He was moving around like crazy, I’m sure anxious to enter the world. The nurse wanted to put in an internal fetal heart rate monitor, which was supposed to be much more accurate. She had a hard time putting it in because he was still really high and located at a weird angle. Later, the dr has to re-do the monitor as they still were not getting an accurate reading.

An hour or so later Dr Angel came to check one everything. In just a short amount of time of fixing the IV, my labor was finally starting to progress and we knew we were getting close.

I wanted to know what it felt like to be in labor and was concerned getting one too early would stall the labor process. Dr Angel said if I wanted an epidural, now was the time to get it as she things were progressing quickly. She said there’s no point in being a hero and waiting unnecessarily. At this point, they were getting majorly painful – and I said I was ready. She said she would call for the anesthesiologist– and in the next 20 minutes time just seemed to freeze. I was staring at the clock – trying to breathe through each contraction. They were very strong and only a few minutes apart. Anthony tried to help me during this time – by breathing with me, messaging my hand, or saying encouraging words – but nothing was helping to relive the pain. To say the least, I was very relieved when I saw him finally come into the room.
I felt create afterwards, but it was relatively short lived. The epidural pump not properly placed so I could start to feel the labor pains during the transition labor cramps. At they said it was normal to feel pressure down there, but it was more than just pressure. It started getting to the point where I would have to stop and concentrate exclusively on breathing. When she took a closer look at the epidural pump, she realized the previous nurses had never put in on. Luckily, we discovered this early than later.

Dr Angel came in around 7:30 to check to see how things had progressed. In a few hours, went from a 4-10 and was 100% effaced. It wasn’t long before I could feel the urge to push. However, you were still located pretty high so they wanted to wait to have the contractions help push you down. The nurse mentioned you still were not ideally positioned as you were “sunny side up.” We were having a hard time getting you to change positions so that it would make it easier for you to come out. You were very comfortable and didn’t seem to want to budge. We tried a few things to get you to change positions to make it easier for both you and myself – but none of them seemed to work. At the same time, you were already past the 12 hour mark and the Dr was getting anxious to have you delivered. Later the Dr mentioned she may have to use forceps to rotate you into a better position and then continue pushing for about 30 minutes. She didn’t want me to get too tired, but she also wanted to give it some time to see if you could change on your own. I really didn’t want to use to the forceps so I tried to push even harder and more diligently to avoid that situation.

However, things do not always go as we expected. I didn’t really know what was going on, but all of a sudden the doctor came in with a crew of over 10 people. Dr Angel mentioned that she was going to have to use the forceps to rotate as you were hitting the pelvic bone rather than making the dip to head down further the birthing canal. You were still as a +2 station and pushing wouldn’t budge you from this position.

It seemed all of a sudden and the first reaction I had was that maybe Dr Angel was getting tired and wanted to head home – so she decided now was the time. However, I found out more information later – and looking back, it’s probably better I didn’t really know the extent of what was going on so I didn’t panic.

With the next contraction, she quickly put the forceps into gear and I pushed harder than I ever had – and felt the most excruciating pain. Everyone was so encouraging. I wasn’t sure if they were just trying to be nice and were truly sincere. Either way, I totally appreciated it and was glad. At the same time, everyone around me was cheering on, saying they could see his head. And then his shoulders. And then he was out. I was in shock for a few seconds. I had anticipated having to push for another 30 minutes…and then all of a sudden it was done. I couldn’t believe how quickly you came out once you were turned into the correct position.

Once you were out, Dr Angel laid you on my stomach and I got to hold you for a few brief seconds while she cut your umbilical cord and suctioned out your passage ways. Immediately, I thought you were such a pretty sight to look at and I couldn’t believe it was real. It was only a few seconds I had to hold you before the other doctors/nurses whisked you away to check your vital signs.
Anthony left my side so they could be right next to you. In the meantime, I was in the process of delivering the placenta, having my uterus messaged, and then being stitched up. At this point, the pain medicine had worn off and I could feel certain things. Dr Angel reassured me it was just the pressure, but I could tell the difference. The nurse anesthesiologist gave me a boost of the epidural to help with the pain, but by the time I could feel it, Dr Angel was already done with everything. But they had given me so much pain medicine that I couldn’t feel my legs and could barely move them.

I got to hold you for a few more minutes…this time you were all clean and bundled up in receiving blankets. Anthony was standing next to me and we got to cherish you in our arms for a few minutes. You looked absolutely adorable. This time I could see more of you facial features and just couldn’t believe it was really you. It just seemed too good to be true and at that moment, everything I had been through had been totally worth it. I just held you and kept saying, oh…my little baby.

Normally parents have an hour to spend with their kids immediately after birth, but we only had a few minutes together as the doctors/nurses wanted to take you to the nursery as you were having some problems breathing. Both Anthony and Chelsea wanted to go with you to the nursery, but I wanted someone to stay with me as well. One of the nurses jokingly commented that my 15 minutes of fame was over and now it would be all about the baby. They wheeled you away in one of the NICU covered bassinets and took you to the admissions nursery. From here, they monitored your breathing and cleaned out your lungs to help you breath better. They also did all the other routine tasks – such as putting eye ointment and Vitamin K shot. They also took your measured your weight and length here – you weighed a whopping 7 lbs, 9 ounnces and were 20.5 inches long, pretty impressive considering you were over 2 weeks early!

It wasn’t until afterwards that I found out more details I why the doctors had rushed into the room. Just a few minutes early, the nurse had called the Dr and reported that your heart rate was having huge swings. It would be in the 190s and then drop to the 90s when I was having a contraction. Typically, the heart rate should only change within 30, but these huge swings indicated you were in fetal distress. For this reason, Dr Angel wanted to get you out immediately to prevent further complications. The Dr had brought in a team from the NICU as they were concerned you would need medical attention right away. I also had developed a fever – indicating an infection had set in as it had been over 12 hours since my membranes had ruptured. There was a good chance this would spread to you if they didn’t hurry. Looking back, it went very smoothly considering how many other complications could have developed.

But the hardest part of the entire day was waiting to hold my little baby again. Anthony kept checking in with the nurses to see when they would be done. He was with you most of the time so you wouldn’t be by yourself. He could touch and comfort you, but he wasn’t allowed to hold you either.

It wasn’t until 2:30 that I could to see and hold him again – over 4 hours of waiting. Although I was exhausted, I was not going to be until I got to hold me little baby. Most of the day had flown by so quickly, but for these few hours time seemed to stop. I just wanted to swaddle and cuddle you in my arms. I had been looking forward to it the entire day – whenever I wasn’t feeling well or was in pain, that’s the thought that kept me going.

When we did finally get to hold you, it was so amazing. Within a few minutes of holding you in my arms, you opened your eyes wide open and just stared my in the eyes. It was like you knew you were finally in your mommy’s arms and I could tell you had waited for this moment as well. Everything seemed so perfect at this point – all my hopes and wishes had come true and there was nothing more I could ask for.

I made a wish and you came true!

Tanner Reed Callison was born on July 1st – weighing in at 7 lbs, 9 oz and 20.5 inches long. Considering he was over 2 weeks early from my original due date of July 17th, I’d say he was a pretty good size.

Although I view myself as a spiritual person, there have been few instances that have compared to this experience. They are no words to describe the magnitude of love and peace that have come into for this new little baby. He is our gift from God and we feel extremely grateful to be his parents.