Not so bad after all...

My first day back to work was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Not to say it wasn't easy...but I think I just pictured the worse case in my mind possible and then was relieved when it went so much smoother.

The entire day I felt that I was powered by strength beyond my own - and thankful for the prayers were answered - and I had help from above. When I work up that morning, I was surprisingly in a great mood - I felt very well rested given the fact that I actually got very little sleep. And when I dropped off Tanner, he was smiling and happy - and the same way when I returned.

My worse fear was that someone at work would ask me how Tanner was and I would just start to cry. But surprisingly enough, I held myself together quite well and that never happened. But everyone kept asking me if it was hard leaving Tanner with someone else. Not that I don't love talking about Tanner, but I didn't want to keep being reminded of the situation. And how am I suppose to respond? Do they really want to see me cry?

It was weird walking into work. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing and had forgotten everything I knew, but I'm still hoping it all comes back to me, especially since I'm suppose to be a manager now. But when I finally started to actually work, I had enough to keep me pre-occupied and quickly lost myself in the work. I decided that I should be thankful for my job - they've already started letting people go. And in the past, all the summer interns got offers, but this year only half of them did. And they've cut back on many other extras. When I left, the economy was doing fine, and when I came back, it's never been worse.

Being away from Tanner makes me appreciate the time I do have with him - so today I was just so happy to just sit at home and spend time with him. Whatever time I lack in quantity I hope to make up for in quality. He accomplished some other amazing things today - like rolling over again - and this time I got to witness it. And he picked up his pacifer and put it in his mouth by himself too. When he was taking a nap, he started to wake up - but successfully found his fingers and calmed himself back to sleep on his own. All these things are little, but they're still amazing to me and was grateful I was with him to witness them all.